Get Wired | Conan the Immortal

INDIANAPOLIS - A new “Conan” movie is out August 19. It’s a remake of the original and I’m not too thrilled. Mostly. That doesn’t mean it won’t be a great movie, but the original film has a special place in my heart.

I grew up with Conan the Barbarian as a central part of my pop-culture life. My dad, who I would not dare to call a comic book nerd, was obsessed with the Conan comic series.

I was reading material way beyond my years when he wasn’t looking. Pillaging, raiding, stealing the women-folk – you know, basic “barbarian” types of activities.

When we got a VCR and my dad hurriedly went to rent the movie. We were henceforth banned to our rooms.

My sister and I henceforth took up our usual hidey spots out in the hall to watch movies we weren’t supposed to.

It was pretty gruesome and definitely had some explicit scenes, but my sister and I watched it wide-eyed and repeatedly when no one was around.

And we still watch it today. We were/are hooked.

*This could also double for a screenshot of "Spinal Tap," just sayin'.*

There is something about the elements of this original film that makes me wonder if the new one can keep up stylistically. Sure, it’s got effects and rampant fighting and even ample amounts of blood and guts. It’s got the misogynistic overtones just the same, the evil guys and well, is there really a good guy?

BUT….

Does it have Arnold Schwarzenegger? James Earl Jones? A kickin’ sound track ? One word: NOPE.

This guy doesn’t agree with me at all. His comparisons scene by scene are pretty great.

He may be right, but what should be noted here is that the 1982 version brought to big screen what was considered a crucial originator of fantasy genre writing, complete with blood, guts and a big creepy snake-guy (James Earl Jones, respectively.)

OK, it’s not really about the shock of JEJ’s freakish snake-shifting, but more of the feel. There’s a somber and suspenseful tone set from the beginning, what I would compare to the existential feel same as “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.”

It also has a sort of quietness, with a big orchestral soundtrack. Which in comparison to the remake may not be hip, but it’s purposeful and with a definite intent to set the tone of the film.

I’ll definitely give the new version a chance, but I’ll still hold true to the original. It may be dated and may seem silly to some, but it was groundbreaking in its time.

And as always:

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