Updated: Wednesday, 05 May 2010, 3:49 PM EDT
Published : Wednesday, 05 May 2010, 3:49 PM EDT
Below is a transcript of the recent 'Unconventional Success - How do YOU define success?' online chat conducted May 5th on WAVY.COM.
Brooks KXAN: Hi, and welcome to our chat today on HOW YOU DEFINE SUCCESS! We'll start at 12 p.m.
Twitter DivineStrategy: Success breeds success! Keep track of life’s little victories for greater confidence in life’s biggest challenges.
Brooks KXAN: I'd like to introduce our moderator, the talented Melissa Schenker, founder and coach with Work/Life/Austin - you can find her at www.worklifenow.com
Twitter BettinaHorvath: Even someone like @DeepakChopra has ppl throw dirt at him. Success is a level of how well you can manage that. ^5 for him :) xxxx
Brooks KXAN: You'll see me publishing Tweets about this from time to time throughout the chat, just monitoring the buzz ...
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Hi!
Brooks KXAN: Hi there!!!! Welcome! Been a while! :)
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Yes, it has!
Brooks KXAN: Welcome everyone to our monthly Working Lunch chat, where we discuss work-related issues with our career and life coach, Melissa!
Want to get us started with some opening thoughts on today's subject, Melissa?
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Sure.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: We have all these outside forces telling us what success is, like climbing the ladder, or having more or certain stuff, but when you take the time to really assess for yourself are these the things that matter to you? What does matter? How do YOU know if you are successful for YOURSELF?
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: We can also talk about some ways to wrap your mind around how to think about it so it's not too overwhelming.
Brooks KXAN: YEAH let's start there LOL but first, here's one woman's definition of success....
Twitter PregAwareness: Nice work! Enjoy it! RT @lmb1119: SUCCESS - two toddlers napping at the same time!!!
Brooks KXAN: :)
Twitter xswsgrw: Digital Photography success.: You will impress other peo pl e with your new found talent, just by reading and ap p... http://bit.ly/68sQ2O
Twitter xswsgrw: Hypnosis Marketing success.: You see, I've just created a brand new system designed to help hypnotherapists just l... http://bit.ly/aq1FdX
Twitter GeorgeBrowns: The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and doing a thing exactly right.http://tiny.cc/Geogebrown
Twitter kkirkman: We r rockn n rolln today! Got 2 get lots of stuff done! Implementation is the key 2 success!
Twitter WriteAdvantage: RT @alyandrea: success appetizer: Call someone today whom you would like to work with. Ask, how can you help them? via @SalesLounge
Twitter avashsantosh: I wonder what's the real secret to success?
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Oh, that's good.
JackieKXAN: "If you don't know what you want, you won't know when you've gotten it."
Brooks KXAN: So how do we start talking to ourselves about it?
How do you define success?
( 0% )
( 0% )
( 0% )
all of the above
( 75% )
none of the above
( 25% )
no idea yet
( 0% )
Twitter JourneyHigher: Success Habit: You must form a new belief system if you want bigger and better things out of life. Your beliefs... http://bit.ly/9TMq2O
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Usually when this sort of topic comes up, people are encouraged to think about it from the perspective of "if you've reached the end of your life and look back, what will indicate to you that you've lived a good life?" That is a great question, a great thing to think about.
But, if that question is too much, there are other ways...
Twitter BizSavings: Definition of success - Could be how you choose to define it. Aim High
Twitter ToyubommNews: Be direct to woo women: Saif: New Delhi, May 5, (IANS) Bollywood actor Saif Ali Khan feels the secret of a success... http://bit.ly/ahJz0e
Twitter enthwavemedia: Watch these videos for easy success... http://ultracourse.com/enthwavemedia.htm
Brooks KXAN: Interesting approach - so from my mind, one thing would be ... uh ... hm. Having seen the world. Found a life relationship. Made a difference in a cause I believe in. .. ?
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Before we get to the other ways, though, some more ideas about that "end of your life" technique. You can think about what you'd wish people would say at your memorial service about you, then seek to live in to that. This is not a question that can be answered quickly, though. It's useful to set aside some time, or a few blocks of time, to mull. Journaling can be helpful. Or using a huge blank piece of paper and capture ideas in a "mind map." Or, invite some friends to do this with you and come up with your own process. Or attend a workshop.
Brooks KXAN: That explains why I was wracking my brain and coming up with only cliches LOL Mind mapping sounds fun.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: The benefit of doing it with a group is that they can remind you of things you might've forgotten. I don't know about you, but it's amazing to me sometimes the things that are key to me that I just don't even think about because they are so fundamental....
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: A group can also get you thinking more.
WAVY.com/Jane: Career-wise, I measure success through respect.
Brooks KXAN: I'd agree with that, Jane
Do you believe you're successful?
( 50% )
( 50% )
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Jane - yes, that's a key one for a lot of people.
Although, tough to really know for certain.
Twitter rascalraiser: Hallelujah! The boys have learned how to tie their own water balloons!! I count this as a parenting success.
Brooks KXAN: I'd measure career success having work that doesn't feel like work - success would be doing a job that makes you extremely happy.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: So, the big picture is one way to try to think about success - the idea is to consider, for you, what are all the elements of a successful life. What will that contain - family, relationships, emotional life, spiritual life, activity wise, accomplishment wise, experience wise, career wise. All these things are worth considering.
Twitter Tr3bleS0ng: Lord God, guide me thru this final, for I know that thru u, all things are possible, failure is NOT an option, and success is mandafory
Brooks KXAN: On the above tweet - NO PRESSURE
[Comment From MISS THANGMISS THANG: ] WHAT IS UP?
Brooks KXAN: Lots of people lurking, but not many comments yet - viewers, what's your definition of success?
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Another possible way to approach the big picture question of success is to think of your life as existing in phases, and consider how you might want the different phases to be composed. Like early in adulthood is the learning and gaining experience phase, and then comes the practice and mastery phase, and the family phase.
Twitter RRTeddy: Six Subtle Moves That Hold Woman Back From Success (Article - Jobs, Recession, Careers, Advice): http://bit.ly/aNXoZp
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] The definition definitely has changed as I've gotten older. I think women were taught to pursue the career, often at the cost of a personal life.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Brooks - that first tweet you commented on is based on the idea of knowing, for you, what the daily successes are. Knowing those and acknowledging them for yourself can be really motivating. We tend to gloss over that stuff, and we tend to focus on the negative, the places we fail to meet our own expectations. That can be really draining.
Brooks KXAN: The one about the twins napping at the same time?? I loved that. I call those "Little victories."
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] I've been working on that concept, too.
Brooks KXAN: Kimmy - interesting point, and a much more modern approach than our grandmothers saw. I was taught to pursue my career, and then bugged constantly about when I'd settle down and have kids. The two aren't mutually exclusive, but it can be difficult to "settle down" when you're moving from town to town every couple of years.
Twitter ColumbusNYC: @beth_chamberlin A day made up of little victories adds up to a good day.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Kimmy - the external definitions of success do seem to come and go, kind of like cultural fads. That's why it can help you feel solid in life if you focus on how to define these different forms of success for yourself.
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] I don't multi-goal well.
[Comment From Chief Do Your Own ThingChief Do Your Own Thing: ] The standard definition of success is an illusion, created by the power elite. We keep chasing the carrot, while we're pulling the plow. Real success can only be defined by ones self.
Brooks KXAN: Amen to that.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Kimmy, Brooks - it's a great point you're making. If you use the gauge of other people, you usually can't win for losing. People will always point out how we aren't doing things they way they did, or the way they think it ought to be done. Sometimes it's not even so much what they really think as a conversation generator. May not even be relevant to you or your life.
Brooks KXAN: <----- wondering if the following Tweet from AdzMozz was done from prison ...
Twitter AdzMozz: @oliviatoye You get let out for an hour! Cherish the little victories!
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] I don't want to be too anti-feminist, but I think as I get older that some of that stuff is just... uh... stuff,
Brooks KXAN: I think the idea of doing your own thing and shunning that brainwashing (thanks chief) is fantastic - and HARD to do. The brainwashing is so strong.
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] You know, competing with me.
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] So how do you set your mindset for your own goal of success?
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] I meant competing with men. ha.
Brooks KXAN: LOL
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Okay, so how about if we list the things we think of as the standard definitions of success? (Then we'll add some others...) Keep in mind some of the standards are pretty good basic ones, while others might not be. It's just food for thought right now.
[Comment From General LeeGeneral Lee: ] Here's the test with which to identify success:
Twitter nashy_tiera: Time aku success,kau perli2.Time aku fail pun kau perli.Kau nak suruh aku buat apa?Nasib baik I'm not living with u. http://myloc.me/6Keib
[Comment From BILLYBOBBILLYBOB: ] GETTING YOUR FOOD STAMPS APPROVED IS SUCESS.
Brooks KXAN: Standards: Nice house. Nice car.
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] I'm thinking a lot about home ownership as a goal, lately. Haven't accomplished financial stability, like I should.
Brooks KXAN: Financial stability LOL
Brooks KXAN: Standards defined for us.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Standard definitions:
Respect of peers
Money as measure of success
Office as indicator
Twitter rasenmaki: Fitting into express pants...little victories...stay thirsty my friends...
[Comment From CNNCNN: ] A JOB IS SUCESS.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Maybe add: Number of people who report to you.
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] A job you like is better.
[Comment From General LeeGeneral Lee: ] Take a kitchen measuring cup and fill it with okra seeds...stick a standard drinking straw amongst the seeds...place your lips around the exposed end of the straw and apply suction...if you get okra seeds into your mouth, you may consider yourself successful, because:
[Comment From CNNCNN: ] CLEANING UP THE GULF IS EVEN MORE SUCCESS
Twitter dbrkfrgsn: How To Do The Raw Food Diet With Joy.: Health, Energy, And success For You With A Flexible Living Food Diet. 230 P... http://bit.ly/bk3M7v
[Comment From General LeeGeneral Lee: ] Nothing sucks seed like success!!!
Brooks KXAN: LOL OMG GEN LEE i had no idea where you were going with that.
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] I think all of us in the media end up thinking our type of fame is success. But I wouldn't mind a few awards for it.
Kimmy: And the ability to set a goal and do it.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Okay, so looks like we know the basics: job, car, house, title, etc.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: What are some other elements worth considering?
Brooks KXAN: That aren't in the standard definition?
Brooks KXAN: Being your own boss.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Right.
[Comment From General LeeGeneral Lee: ] Gotcha, Brooks!
Brooks KXAN: Troublemaker!
Brooks KXAN: :)
Kimmy: Or having enough power that you are part of the solution at the job and not part of the problem.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Kimmy - like that one
Kimmy: I guess I'm really thinking of success in terms of skills I wish I had ... rather than things. Although I like me some things.
Brooks KXAN: Not being beholden to anyone - total and complete independence to do what you want, spend time with who you love, stand up for what you believe in, at no real cost.
[Comment From Chief Do Your Own ThingChief Do Your Own Thing: ] Is there failure?
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Acquiring skills is a great way to think about success.
And we all like things!
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Chief - good one! I'd say being disappointed in yourself is failure. Anyone agree?
Brooks KXAN: Yes. I guess one failure would be letting others define success for you, andt hen having a miserable life that makes everyone else (parents, peers) happy except you.
Kimmy: I tend to set goals so big I'm bound to fail...
Brooks KXAN: What are your thoughts on that chief?
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Brooks - oh, right, good one. that's why we came up with this topic!
Kimmy: Oh, no, my mom will never be happy. LOL.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Kimmy - you might want to rethink that strategy. Or maybe set big goals, but think about how to break them down so that you know which steps to take to meet them, or can be more realistic about your timeframes for meeting them.
Brooks KXAN: I'm just thinking about the kid whose parents want him to be a doctor, even though he wants to be a rockstar, so he becomes a rich, famous neurosurgeon with a mansion and a gorgeous family - and secretly he's miserable.
Or, like, that movie American Beauty
Twitter Squ4r3D: last name’s failure, frist name’s never
Kimmy: I'd like to be the miserable wealthy neurosurgeon. ha ha.
Kimmy: I do have a friend like that... living a great life... still thinks he's doing it for his dead dad.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: I've had quite a few clients hit their late 20's without questioning their parent's goals for them too much. Then they hit a place where they discover they are miserable and don't know why. Soul searching and career change ensue.
Brooks KXAN: I have a friend whose mom is the most overbearing narcissistic woman on the planet - and the friend is in her 50s, and can never please her mom no matter how hard she tries. Her psych doc told her that she'd only feel truly free when her mom's dead. LOL Apparently it doens't work in all cases.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Some other elements that could be considered:
Being motivated, energized.
Learning new things.
Being of service, helping
Opening new markets
Designing something new
Kimmy: No, G has a great job in San Fran with Hawaii as part of his territory... but thinks law school was a mistake.
Kimmy: Melissa, that's sort of my list. Not hitting it on all cylinders.... but... compiling it.
Brooks KXAN: When i considered getting out of journalism or changing direction, i was deathly afraid of my dad's reaction when i told him, since he helped pay for college. In my 20s, the reaction of stepmom was that i would waste that degree they paid for. Revisiting it years later, they both surprised me when they said it wasn't their decision, it was mine.
I STILL have a hard time believing that.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: It's actually not possible to please a narcissist. But that doesn't stop us from spending lifetimes trying.
Brooks KXAN: I did a Twitter search on "failure" just now, and 99 percent of the Tweets are about Bear Stearns :D
Brooks KXAN: EXACTLY what her doc said.
Twitter Home_Biz_INOV8R: Avett Brothers' success brings distance from fans: It is a symbol of what he and his brother Seth say the song is ... http://bit.ly/bAPDO8
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Challenge for that person is learning to let go of trying. It takes a huge emotional retraining.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: On elements of success - I keep Jane's on the list - Respect.
[Comment From KimmyKimmy: ] I just got friended on FB in the last 5 minutes by a high school friend who got a grad degree... I'd love a grad degree... but I wouldn't want to work at the education service center in Houston...
Kimmy: I think being respected is very high on my list.
[Comment From DarrellDarrell: ] Grandkids....Nuff said
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Another thing to consider when thinking of "success" is the handling the unexpected. All this talk kind of assumes we make a plan and then make it happen. BUT, sometimes we find we don't like our own plans and sometimes life has other things in mind for us that we have to handle despite our plans. Success could be in rising to the occasion dealing with those things gracefully.
Chief Do Your Own Thing: Seek knowledge and you'll be fine.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Kimmy - that gives me idea to add to the list - Education.
Twitter hippiedahl: RT @iheartquotes: "There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” ~ Colin Powell | RT @Alexandria06
Twitter BizPosts2010: I wish you all the best success, many thanks for your support!
Twitter SilverJingles: SAMOLI PIRATES EMBOLDENED BY success & NO ORGANIZED INTNTL. EFFORT 2 STOP; OPENS OPPORTUNITY 4 ENTREPRENEURIAL ESCORT SERVICE. TWEET 2 ME.
Twitter Chronicle6: Check this video out -- Napoleon Hill Quotes From His Law of success Series http://youtu.be/Y6rD7Euhf1I
Brooks KXAN: good words from chief - that's what he does.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Also, as mentioned earlier - New Skills.
And, New Experiences.
Chief Do Your Own Thing: Now I ride my bicycle. Good Day.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Another idea for how to think about this stuff - look at the lives other people lead. Borrow from the ones you admire.
Brooks KXAN: LOL bye :) Thanks
Kimmy: I can't lead Brooks' life. ha ha ha.
Brooks KXAN: GRANDKIDS is a great success story from one of our commenters.
... Kimmy - LMAO Kiddin me? Slave to the grind!
Kimmy: But you play guitar!
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Another idea - do your best to avoid things that sound draining, that you think you should do because "they" seem to think you should. (I'm not talking about things like doing the dishes here, but the big picture things).
Brooks KXAN: Not much lately!! That's someone else's life. :)
Besides, that's not so hard. Pick up a guitar, take a lesson, there ya have it :)
Kimmy: Is this avoiding responsibility? Or being in the wrong job?
Brooks KXAN: Melissa - such as?
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: It can be kinda fun to draw a picture of yourself (stick figure will do) and add to it all the things "they" think you ought to be doing with your life.
Brooks KXAN: What would be one of those things, Melissa - like, getting a master's degree when you don't really want one? (nobody's telling me to do that, but seems like a good example)
Brooks KXAN: OK everyone - six more minutes on our chat!
Twitter ontheborderline: Don’t let others define success for you: http://ow.ly/1H4Mf
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Oh, it could be anything, just depends on the person. Things like: having the corporate job when you want your own business, or having your own business when you wish you could work for someone else, or getting a law degree because that's where the "jobs" are, or working inside when you'd really rather be outside, or...
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: A big one is people who avoid creative work because they think it's not as respected or because they are afraid it won't pay the bills (which, obviously can be a reality. But that can be true in any work situation).
Brooks KXAN: This is an extraordinary topic, Melissa.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Oh - great!
Twitter kyraocity: RT @ralphmarston: Success eludes many people because they define it too narrowly. http://ow.ly/1FW35
Twitter AndreaHardaway: Thx for the RT @thecommoncents & @TheCEOMamma --> U’ll never feel "successful" if u don’t take the time 2 define what success means to u.
Brooks KXAN: Any closing thoughts? We'll wrap this up in just one minute.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Another one is people who strive to climb the ladder (get into management) when they actually thrive on something else.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: yes...
Brooks KXAN: The idea of inside vs outside work crystallizes something I've heard a lot - people who have office jobs because they have more cache .. but who would rather work outside - gardening, construction, whatever. But wont' because a lot of those are blue collar jobs.
I 'm reminded of Office Space, one of my all time favorite movies.
Brooks KXAN: :)
Brooks KXAN: (and blue collar jobs are judged, was the last part of that thought.) Anyway. Carry on...
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: At some point most of us find ourselves lacking motivation and not necessarily knowing why. It might be that your job is not a fit for you, but what's not working? Could be worth considering that you might not know what "success" is to you. It might not look like we are told it's supposed to look.
People tend to accept the terms of success for their profession that are defined by family or the culture of the profession and their particular workplace. But that doesn't take into account the bigger picture of life. What it takes to be considered successful may not jive with your life plans, or your personality, or simply what turns out to work for you. Frequently that success comes with a whole life structure - which may, or may not, be what you want. Could be worth some thought.
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: one more thing...
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Be aware that what works for you will change as you mature. The plans you make at age 25 will need tweaking based on life experience and realizations. You do your best to know yourself and plan, but you need to be aware that things change, that you change. Adapt!!!!
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Don't make yourself wrong for not knowing in advance.
Twitter kelley4real: I don't do pony tails, braids, blow drys, finger waves, dreds....don't apply if u not a grown ass man! lol K.M.W. Blessings & success!
Twitter LOALoveCoach: RT @CarolLookEFT: Tap along with EFT & Law of Attraction Newsletter-"The Energy of Choice": http://budurl.com/aanews #EFT #LOA #success
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Okay, done for now!
Brooks KXAN: Fantastic thoughts, Melissa!!!
Melissa Schenker, Work/Life: Thanks - hope something is useful to someone!
Brooks KXAN: Thanks for much for this fascinating topic. Everyone, Melissa can be found at www.worklifenow.com - join us again on the first Wednesday of every month!
Brooks KXAN: Go out and Be Your Own Success Story, friends!
Over and Out.
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